back to canada. now what?

I got home at midnight last night. It didn't seem right that just the night before I was in my room in Honduras with the little cockroaches creeping around and hearing the newborn puppies in my backyard. And now I'm in my room in Toronto (I didn't realize how soft my pillow in Canada was until now!) I have all these luxuries I didn't have just a few hours ago: the choice of more than 5 shirts and 2 pairs of pants, my laptop at hand (but oh I'm going to miss going to Manuel's internet cafe!), any food I want and the ability to cook it for myself, access to a car....
But it seems like all too much. I didn't need all of this for the last 3 months. I was almost disgusted when I walked into my room and saw all that stuff. I didn't have time to clean my room before I left for Honduras and books and papers and other junk was all over the place. I struggled to find good books for my kids in Honduras, but here I have so many that I don't know where to put it all.
It feels really weird. I remember how everything goes and works; my cat didn't forget me. It's the strangest feeling that maybe I've been here all along and those 3 months in a totally different country didn't exist.
What happens now??

goodbye for good

Today has been a crazy mixture of emotions.
It started off really peaceful as Kristen and I watched the sunrise over Tegucigalpa on the top of the mountain behind Bencaleth.
Then I had a nice bonding time with Mila in El Centro.
I had lunch where I learned that police and the National University were going against each other and there were replays of the police knocking over the director of the university.
And then I had a blast talking to a painter and bartering earrings and crackers for a painting I really wanted from him.
Then I said my last goodbyes to Bencaleth. I did not expect to cry as much as I did. But you don't know how hard it was to tuck in my babies and say adios to them for the very last time. I don't know when I will see them again and even if I do will they still be there?
Then I had a blast with my internet cafe manager friend and the local priest. haha they're cool.
And then I thought I lost my USB key for the second time this trip and was out on the street running around with a flashlight at 9pm at night when I should be packing
Ecetera.
And this is the day BEFORE I leave.... What does tomorrow hold for me?

My last words to type on a computer on Latin American soil.
Estaba una experiencia maravillosa. Honduras, te quiero mucho.

goodbyes

This weekend was the first set of goodbyes. It was adios to my church friends as today was my last Sunday here. I felt so special because they made me a goodbye poster and then mini fiesta at Friday's Bible study, the youth all prayed for me on Saturday's meeting, and then the pastor announced my leaving and told everyone to give me a hug on Sunday's service.

Mis hermanos y hermanas de Iglesia Bautista Central: gracias por ser una familia maravillosa para mi durante los tres meses <3

in these last few days...

It's all coming to an end too fast. I've been trying to do as much as possible in the last while so that's why I haven't been able to really update this blog.

I think this true for any experience you go through, but what you get out of something is usually proportional to what you put into it. I've been trying to talk to as many people as possible and participating in whatever I can.

The past weekend, the youth in my church had an event in Central Park in downtown. There was music and dramatic presentations. It was really awesome actually. It was interesting because this is the same place that people do their manifestations and rallies. haha it was our turn, but without the Mel/Micheletti campaigning. ¡Dios te bendia!

I decided that I wanted to really experience Bencaleth, so I've slept over a couple of nights with the staff. It was really fun actually. It was nice to be able to tuck my kids into bed, and they really love it when I stay over. And then there's the bonding time with the staff afterhours. haha you see a different side of them. Oh, I was able to help to bathe and change and brush the teeth of the kids. Do you know how hard it is to carry a 100-lb wet and wiggling youth from the bathroom to the bedroom?
Perhaps my proof that I have spent a lot of time at Bencaleth is that we now share everything. This weekend, the kids shared their lice with me. haha yes. They call them piojos here :D But the girls here are experts at picking them out and we have really fun chatting times while they pick them out. If you want to know if your friends are real friends, ask them if they would help to de-lice your head. haha

And with my host mom, I try to spend as much time with her as possible. I like how we can have fun just watching TV together. She's one of those people that makes comments about everything that happens on TV. You can imagine the heated conversations we had when the political issues were being shown on the news! A cute random story: I once thought it was funny that there were siamese twin bananas at the supermarket (two bananas in the same peel, if you can imagine that) and so I bought it and took it home. The next day, I came home from work to find a giggling host mom and two sets of plantain siamese twins on the table.

random thoughts

I can't believe I only have just over 3 weeks left here. I feel like I have to squish as much as possible into these next couple of weeks! I think what I'll miss most are the people here.

Bencaleth: oh the kids, the kids. I love Bencaleth. Everyone has such a unique personality that just really gets to you (in a good way!). Oh one of the residents of Bencaleth passed away this week. He was already in the late stages of cerebral palsy, but you never really think that they would actually pass away. We had the funeral and burial early this week. And it's strange. I've only known him for about two months but his death really affected me. Yeah, these kids have really found a place in my heart...
The staff: We've really gotten so much closer lately. I go over to watch the futbol games and they're really cool to just hang out with.
My friends: I love the people I've met here, especially from church. They really make my stay here amazing. Awww... it's making me kind of sad to think about the stuff I'm going to miss. Let's focus on making the most of these next couple of weeks instead :D hehe starting with now, because I have another birthday party to attend this afternoon!!

By the way, I've been getting really lazy with the updating photos lately. I actually rarely take my camera out when I'm here. I always think, oh that was a perfect photo opportunity and I missed it. But then I realized, why am I so preoccupied with having a cool photo. Is it so I can have that awesome picture and then bring it back and show people how awesome it is here? Yeah, I think that to an extent it's good - I want to show you guys what things have been going on, and I'm sure you're interested too. But I think the problem I have is that I feel like if I don't have a photo as proof of what I did, then it's all gone to waste (like you know how you have to bring a camera to a party or else you'll forget how fun it was). But it's bad because instead of focusing on what I'm doing here, I would just try to make things that would look good to show people. You know?... but maybe I'm just making excuses of why I don't have more to put on my blog :P

oh canada!

So in honour of Canada this week, I taught the class all about the amazingness of my 'home and native land'. I ended up doing the entire school for the day, which the regular teacher was very grateful for. I prepared all week of how to say things like beaver and tobogganing in Spanish. My point of the lesson was that even though we are from different countries, 'podemos aprender unos de otros, compartir nuestras maneras de vivir, y celebrar los diferencias.' (we can learn from each other, share our ways of life, and celebrate the differences!) haha kind of corny but I think it's important because from a country that always seems to have people come to them to help them (we have an average of one foreign church group come to visit each week), the children should know that their experiences and opinions are important too! :)

government overthrown

Here is the 'official' update of what's going on given by my volunteer organization. They say it better than I could.
Sunday June 28th, Honduras' national army overthrew President José Manuel Zelaya Rosales and was immediately exiled to Costa Rica; the National Congress officially voted to strip him of his powers and named the president of the National Congress, Roberto Micheletti, as provisional president of Honduras until democratic elections in November 2009 through an act of constitutional substitution. Such act is legally established in Honduras’ Constitution, and was done because the ex-president José Manuel Zelaya Rosales committed a list of 18 faults to the national laws, including the attempt to summon an assembly to rewrite the constitution and overcome the term limits that would have forced him to leave office at the end of this year. The three Powers of Honduras’ Government are currently functioning and are legally constituted. Today (June 29th), a series of demonstrators’ groups protested in some areas nearby the Presidential House at Tegucigalpa, the police and some military troops counterattacked the demonstrations, but the nation remained generally calm. It is only certain groups of demonstrators who are performing these kinds of protests; the rest of the nation (the majority) continues their usual activities. However, we do have a national curfew from 9:00 p.m. till 6:00 a.m.
As for me personally, I have been ok. Where I live, the political situation doesn't really affect me. The greatest extent is hearing the personal opinions and comments by the locals on what they think should happen now. It's a really unique experience to be going through right now.

political unrest

So for those who were unaware, right now there's a lot of political instability because apparently the president of Honduras is holding an illegal poll this Sunday to decide whether or not to change the consistution. He says it's to improve the situation by making it fairer for the lower class people, but most people think he just wants to be reelected (the election is supposed to be later this year and the current constitution says that presidents can only run for one term).
Basically, for fear of riots and other things (protests have already started in the main cities, although most have been pretty peaceful so far). They are advising us all to stay indoors this weekend!! I'm curious to see how this weekend turns out!

the midpoint!!

As I'm at approximately halfway through my experience in Honduras (oh how time goes by so fast!!) I thought I would have a mini summary of my most and least favourite things.

Things I like the least about Honduras
Grease - why oh why does everything need to be fried or oozing with mantequilla (butter)
Bugs - I met my first (and hopefully last) scorpian and what appeared to be a tarantula (it was furry like and big!) at Bencaleth. And it seems like all the insects bite here. My ankles are routinely swollen and my legs are all scarred (ok, that's my fault for scratching)
Pollution - Do not walk too close to the road with white clothing. Emission tests are unheard of here.
Pace - Everything is done in a more relaxed manner. We were supposed to go grocery shopping for Bencaleth one day. They told me to go to the truck at 12:30. We ended up leaving at 3. Coming from a place where everything is scheduled and deadlined, this is something I have some trouble getting used to.
Poverty - It's really obvious in some of the markets and on the outskirts of town. The stories you hear (and when you see it for yourself) of things like kids sniffing glue to ease the feeling of hunger breaks your heart. One of the things I've noticed though is the disparity. Some of the people here live similarly to what I live like in Canada. Others live in the houses on the sides of the mountain which are the first to flood or get destroyed in the earthquakes. It's pretty extreme because the two groups live so close to each other.

Things I like most about Honduras:
People - My host mom here is wonderful. She's funny and treats me like her own daughter. I really enjoy hanging out with her and watching our favourite novela (Spanish soap opera) together. The friends I've made are totally awesome too.
Bencaleth - I have fallen in love with the kids here. Each of them have their own personalities and cute things about them. Even when I get so frustrated that they pull my shirt, take my stuff, drool on me, can't understand my Spanish, I can't help but look forward to the next day with them.
Closeness - Everything is so close. The church, the pulperias (there's one of these neighborhood conveience stores attached to homes every 10 houses or so), and family are all walking distance from home.
Beauty - I still am amazed by the beauty of this place. One of my favourite things is the nightly lightning show. It's rainy season and I guess a lot of static so then you can watch flashes of lightning from storms in the distance all night.
Spanish - Although I am still learning I think the experience of being the outsider and needing to depend on others has really helped me to appreciate the people here.

beautiful

Us 5 girls from Canada all met up the past weekend to have a mini outing. We went to the Lake of Yojo, awhich is Honduras' only natural lake, and the famous Pulhapanzak waterfall. We got to climb the rocks and swim at the base of the falls. We also go into a cave behind the falls. It was such a terrifying yet amazing experience. This country is absolutely gorgeous. Even the 5 hour bus ride (It was an interesting ride because they use old/unwanted American school buses for their crazy public transit) was enjoyable because the winding mountainous roads had spectacular views.

la nueva profe

Hola. My role in Bencaleth has changed up a bit. I guess the teacher has more confidence in me now, so I've been upgraded to mini teacher. So far, I've been teaching the 'younger' kids numbers and colours. All in Spanish!! I don't even know how I manage to think up different ways of making learning fun in a language that I am not even close to being proficient in. Somehow it works and the kids love it.
I must thank the years of working at the Community Living special needs summer camp. I believe that's where my creativity and patience was first cultivated!

no water

We have no water in my house. It's funny how at the beginning I was expecting primative conditions and was ready to tough it out, and after finding that my house had running water, I took it for granted. It coincidentally happens to feel like the hottest couple of days that we've had here in Honduras so I felt so gross not having water to wash up. At least I had a use for all those moist towels / Wet Ones that I brought!
Yesterday I 'showered' with a wet cloth from the little leftover water that dribbled out of the tap. Now, most houses here have this basin/resevoir from which they take water for washing clothes, etc, and so my host mom later brought in a buckets of water from the backyard. So today I took a cold shower with little bucketfuls of water. I guess it was good that it was so hot, it was kind of refreshing. And it actually saves lots of water - I used only about 5 litres.
But there was no way I was going to brush my teeth it. I had looked in and saw mosquito larvae spawning in the water. I can handle bathing in it, but that is NOT going into my mouth. Well, we'll see how desperate I get :)

note: thankfully, the water only goes out once in a while, probably when too much is used at similar times

staff party

There was another celebration this weekend, but it had a totally different feel to it. It was a birthday party for two of the staff at Bencaleth, my work placement. It was a huge deal because the staff live at the residence with the kids, and so it's a 24/7 job. A trip to the pulperia (convenience store) or a day off is pretty exciting. The party was a time for the staff to be able to kick back and enjoy themselves. Personally, I can't imagine living here. I'm so tired and unmotivated by the end of the day that I appreciate being able to separate home and work. I can understand why the staff sometimes seem unenthusiastic.
Anyways, although most of the kids were put to bed already, some of the older ones were up and helping with the celebration. One of the youth loves music and was the DJ for the night. But he basically played only his 4 favourite songs the whole night. The dance floor was the dining room with all the tables and chairs pushed to the side. There were no decorations except for a simple banner leftover from Mother's Day celebration. We only had Coke, cake and rice. But it didn't matter, everyone had a blast.
It's not what I expected a party to be; it went beyond my expectations.

survived the earthquake

So there was a 7.1 magnitude earthquake last night in Honduras. I'm alive for anyone who heard it on the news and thought of me :)
In my area, all it did was wake people up, shake beds, and crack some important historical buildings. It was up on the north coast where the commercial capital and the tourist areas are that bridges collapsed, etc. I think the affects of the quake amplified because of the torrential rains we've been having. It's monsoon season and we get like a crazy downpour once every 3 days. But it's really warm so everything dries up really fast afterwards. Of course, those living on the edges of towns in the barely standing houses (I've seen them, it's really sad) are suffering.
I was thinking that my placement lacked resources and wondering how it ever managed to get by on donations. But when they were talking in class about being thankful for food and a roof over their heads, it humbled me that they were able to see the bright side of their situation.

la chinita bonita

Being Chinese has given a unique twist to how I am treated. The first country people think I'm from is Japan. I don't think I look Japanese, but I believe the reason for this is that there's some collaboration between Japan and Honduras. There was a bridge going to downtown that has both the flags together. (We drive by too fast and I read Spanish too slow to see what the words say.)
I've been asked countless times if I know Kung Fu or if I'm related to Jackie Chan. I told them we were distant relatives (which is probably true back back somewhere in the Chan clan). One girl thought I didn't understand and stretched her eyes out horizontally to show me what was meant by 'china.'
Now, I've come to expect this, and it's interesting because it seems to be more interesting that there is a Chinese person here than just a Canadian or American. In fact, when we were prepping the kids for the North American foreigners, they were describing them in a certain way without any reference or consideration of me. I guess it's good because I'm not lumped in with 'gringos.' And I figured that the amount of times I've been called 'china' or 'chinita' (little chinese person) equals the times I've been called 'bonita' (pretty) by these same people. So I'm happy. I'm in my own special classification of stereotype.

partaaay

I was invited go to the birthday party for a member of my extended family here in Honduras. It's amazing how we've only been here for 2 weeks and that the people welcome us Canadians to join in family functions.
There was an amazing 10 member live band that played music the whole night. It was interesting because it was so modest, yet able to sound amazing. For example, when they needed a new drum stick, they carved out a new one. It was cute that they used masking tape to write 'tropical' on the front of their xylophone/mirimbi thing (Kat, I'm sorry if it is actually neither.)
We danced the night away (or attempted to, as I neither have the ability or the crazy hips necessary for the dancing here). We were introduced to punta, which is a dance characteristic of the Garufauna people in the northern coast of Honduras. It's called this (punta=tip) because you dance on your toes.
I missed the famous carnival in La Ceiba to come to this event. But I think that meeting the rest of the family and the fun we had was well worth it.

inspired

It was a good week here in Honduras. I was originally disappointed to learn that the physiotherapist may not be coming in (because I think it's on a voluntary basis). However, this changed when some friendly Americans came to visit my placement as part of a missions trip. They brought games and toys and really made the kids' days. I got to talk to a PT and he gave me some really good tips on what I could do, such as stretches and activities that could help those who are restricted in mobility or sit in wheelchairs all day.
One thing that I had also been thinking about was sustainability. I wonder, how can I do something here at Bencaleth that would make a lasting difference. Yeah, I could do activities with the kids or infuse them with tons of resources, but I will eventually leave and the resources eventually run out. It's like each group that comes in for just an afternoon. It's necessary to have the fresh ideas and excitement for that short while. But follow up is just as necessary.
I started playing soccer and bringing some kids into the playground, which I think was out of the ordinary because the kids keep asking to play with me now. Sometimes the other staff come and join in, which is good because sometimes I come home totally exhausted and probably 2 shades darker. Even if we can make it a weekly event to have a purposeful play time, that would be good.

change and frustration

OHHH. A very significant change was made to my placement.
Because of my experience with special needs individuals and my expressed interest in physiotherapy, I've been relocated a school and residence for people with physical and mental disabilities. It is very interesting because it is quite different from the camp I worked at in summers past. There are much less resources and in the class from 8 to noon; there's one teacher for the 10 kids of a vast variety of intellectual and mobility levels. There are some other permanent staff for the rest of the day, but there is so much cleaning, feeding, and transporting wheelchairs that little is done for interacting and inspiring the kids. (Not to put down the place because it does very very well for the resources it has.)
The language barrier is significant. My Spanish is improving ever so slightly, but not fast enough it seems. It's very frustrating. In a way, you don't NEED to know a language for communication, and I've connected with many of the kids by gestures, smiles, and 2-word sentences. But when it comes to more than just having fun, it's really tough. I can't connect with those of higher learning abilities. It's discouraging and I just feel so stupid for not being able to just get the language.

guns and beans

My first week in Honduras is over. I thought that I would need something exciting for blog followers since I haven't put up any updates for a week. So I'll give you my first little impression on the country.
It's really beautiful here as I had mentioned before, but there are some not as nice aspects of the country. One thing you notice is how many police out there. With guns. In front of banks, of course, but also at convenience stores and supermarkets. Most houses and buildings have barbed wire on the top of the fences. It shows how we shouldn't go out after the sun goes down, but at the same time, there's a sense of security knowing that men with guns are out to protect the citizens. And my host mom is really protective of me and the community I'm in is small and most people know each other, so you don't have to worry (too much!).
On a lighter note, I don't think I've ever eaten this many bean in my life. I've had some type of it (whole, mashed, with rice, with bread) every day. Beans and rice are definite staples in the Honduran diet. I've also had innumerable amounts of bananas and mangos. They also have this yummy baked plantain thing (which is 1000x better than the thing I made at my dinner for those that attended and experienced my culinary failure.)
Yes, so that's how my life has 'bean' this week. ha ha ha....... :)

made it to honduras

¡Hola!
I made it safely here. I learned only after our rough landing that Tegucigalpa is the 3rd most dangerous airport in the world. I would believe it - when we were landing, the plane was so close to the buildings and houses! We had a little complication with our luggage being left in Miami, but it was resolved soon and we only had to wear the same clothes 2 days. And the personnel at the airport were very kind. One officer gave us all care packages with toiletries when he saw that we did not have our bags.
As for the landscape, it is so beautiful here. Palm trees, banana trees, and lime trees right outside your door. Lightning bugs glow at night and macaws wake us up in the morning. It is hard to believe that a country this paradise-like can be struggling with so much poverty. I will probably get a better understanding after this weekend of orientation when I go to my host family and enter my placement on Monday.
¡Buenas noches!

2 weeks

We had our final send off dinner and received our plane tickets today. Everyone's talking about what they're packing and when they're leaving, etc. But I still don't fully believe that I'm going though. It seems so unreal. I've never gone on a trip by myself before, not to mention that this is going to be in a totally different continent.
Ironically, even though it feels unreal, the waves of anxiety are coming back. Actually, the other day in church, I thought I was going to have a panic attack. We had some time for quiet reflection and prayer, but my mind was anything but calm. Things like packing, physiology exam, goodbye dinners, swine flu were floating through my head. Yes, I realize the necessity of faith in all of this and shouldn't be so worried. But, you know, sometimes it feels like I just can't help it.
Thanks for those who are praying and supporting me. I appreciate your encouragement more than you probably realize.

going bananas

I'm writing a paper on the banana trade in Honduras. It's about the role of multinational corporations on the development (or rather lack of development) in the country. The promo for Chiquita Bananas was a source of inspiration. [watch on youtube]

Chiquita Banana Song (1944):
I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say
Bananas have to ripen in a certain way.
When they are fleck'd with brown and have a golden hue,
Bananas taste the best, and are the best for you.
You can put them in a salad
(Me?) No, not yet my dear.
The greenish way you’re looking means that you are right for cooking.
(How ‘bout me?)
No no, when you are fully ripe my dear those little flecks of brown appear
(Me?)
You’re most digestible my friend; delicious too from end to end.
You can put them in a piiiiieee
Any way you want to eat them it’s impossible to beat them.
But bananas like the climate of the very, very tropical equator
So you should never put bananas in the refrigerator.
Bananas are a solid food that doctors now include in babies’ diet
And if they are so good for baby I think we all should try it.

It's interesting how a simple ad like this has lots of historical significance (which I may share if I ever stop procrastinating and finish the assignment!).

>> Essay COMPLETE! Below are just some interesting facts that coincide with things seen in the promo. This "analysis" was much more fun than my paper :D
-steamship: the great white fleet was iconic to the shipments of bananas that were held in their refrigerated compartments from Latin America to the United States (North America was the destination of 38% of the exports)
-Chiquita: brand name of Giant Cavendish bananas that were sold. The company used to be called United Fruit, which had a monopoly over the US market from 1900 to 1920. Historically, the Gros Michel variety was preferred, but it was susceptible to Panama Disease (outbreak in early 1900’s)
-branding: naming and boxing bananas was an innovative step for United Fruit because it made it into selling of a brand instead of just advertising bananas in general
-banana lady: inspired by Carmen Miranda, the Broadway icon which was the image of the typical Latin American woman
-best: when people were becoming urbanized in the early 19th century, the low price and convenience made it popular with the working class people
-cooking: liked by the “refined woman” because it was less mess and grease when compared to animal products
-ripe: originally warned against eating bananas before they were ripe because they believed it wasn’t digestible
-refrigerator: brought idea of middle-class homes able to afford the appliances which revolutionized the process of food storage and preparation
-babies: banana peel was considered germ-resistant and thus safe for babies and children to eat

and if you wanted to see the history of the banana stickers, click here

sources:
Pedro Arias et al., The World Banana Economy 1985-2002 (Rome: Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, 2003).
John Soluri, “Bananna Cultures: Linking the Production and Consumption of Export Bananas, 1800-1980,” in Banana Wars, ed. Steve Striffler and Mark Moberg (Durham: Duke University Press, 2003).

one month

We finalized our flight dates. I'm leaving in exactly one month from today. Toronto to Florida to Tegucigalpa. El Guante is about 2 hours drive from the capital.
Just wanted to say another thank you for those who are supporting me through donations (only $300 left to fundraise) or prayers or encouraging emails :D

green

I had never considered soap or shampoo as items to question on my packing list. However, during one of our prep sessions, we were told to consider the environment of the area we were going to. These people are going to be sharing their water supply with me - who am I to carelessly put whatever I want into it. Out of interest, I looked up all the ingredients on my shampoo.
To my surprise, it wasn't so bad: water (we drink it), ammonium lauryl sulfate (80% biodegraded within 15 days according to the 2002 "Human & Environmental Risk Assessment on ingredients of European household cleaning products"), sodium chloride (nothing wrong with salt), etc. But still, would I want use water with things like cocamide mea or cetyl alchohol floating in it if I had a choice?
The only thing of possible concern was sodium benzoate which can be carcinogenic with asorbic acid/vitamin C (FDA, 2007, http://www.cfsan.fda.gov/~dms/benzdata.html) but it's not in high concentrations.
The point of this isn't to bash the preservatives and chemicals that we use. (Although I still went out and got a 100% natural and biodegradable shampoo and conditioner.) It's to be conscious of the consequences of what we do and not to take things for granted - soft silky hair is so overrated!!
My next goal: ensure my items have minimal packaging/waste.

spanish lesson: guante

I'm going to El Guante, Honduras. Out of curiosity, I looked up what it meant.

guante [goo-ahn’-tay] m ♦ glove
sentar como un guante to fit like a glove
guantes de lana/boxeo/goma woollen/boxing/rubber gloves
familiar echar el guante a alguien to catch sb
de guante blanco gentlemanly
como un guante like a lamb

hahaha.. so I'm going to be spending my summer in "the glove"!

copyright (c) 2006 Chambers Harrap Publishers Limited and 2007 Velazquez (r) Spanish and English Dictionary

give

Chapters had a 20% kids and teens books this week and I was reminded this week of my favourite book growing up: The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein. Reading this book was the first time I remember being touched by a message. Sure, I had cried before, but that would be because I didn't get my way or had dropped my ice cream on the ground. The Giving Tree was my first memory of feeling something beyond myself.

spanish lesson: ánimo

My Spanish dictionary and phrasebook arrived in the mail yesterday. YAY!! I stayed up late trying to learn and absorb.
Did you know that dictionaries can be a source of encouragement (ánimo)?

There are two forms of the verb "to be": estar and ser. When conjugated, I am = estoy and soy. In general, estar is used for temporary things or moods while ser is used for permanent or definite characteristics.

So it reminded me that while in Honduras, I'm going to have a mixture of feelings.
Estoy nerviosa (I'm nervous)
Estoy avergonzada (I'm embrassed)
Estoy asustado (I'm scared).
But these will come and go, and I won't feel like this the whole time.

Then there are the other things that are really a part of me and won't change with time or the situation.
Soy de Canadá (I'm from Canada)
Soy cristiana (I'm Christian)

Moods and feelings change but my identity will not.
That was very encouraging. Thank you Oxford and Lonely Planet.

hep a, typhoid, malaria....

Those are just a couple of things my travel clinic got me vaccinated for / gave me pills for today. And it gets me to realize that I am going to Honduras.
I am really going.
The pre-trip anxiety is starting to kick in.

lights

So I was volunteering last Friday at a program for people recovering from MS/stroke. There was one station to work hand strength and one activity in it was to turn on one of those press-the-light-and-it-turns-on kind of lights. (You know, they're kind of dome-y and you press it again to turn them off.) The idea is that you practice putting pressure with your hand which may have become nonfunctional from the stroke. Most people do this by putting their stronger hand on top of the weaker one and pushing down on it.
So there was this one elderly lady who was usually quiet whenever I saw her. She was there practicing with the light a while and I was just monitoring. Next thing I know, the light is on. And she turns to the instructor with a huge grin and tears in her eyes. Apparently, she had been trying for weeks to turn on the light with just her one weak hand. To her, this proved that there was hope for her, that all her efforts were turning into visible improvement. She had to sit down and cry those tears of joy.
I was touched and couldn't help but smile about that the rest of the day. I was reminded of why I wanted to go into physiotherapy (or even just health in general). It's these little things that make my days feel bright :)

breakfast

I had this for breakfast the other day. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you see this?






1) The first thing that came to my mind was 'sickle cell anemia.' hahaha My life sciences brain was up and running pretty early in the morning. But wouldn't you agree that the cheerio in the spoon was the exact shape for which the blood disease was named after? And you know the shape of the cereal resembles the biconcave feature of normal cells........
Well, this made me realize how much our background influences the way we look at things, how we interpret the things that happen to us. That's why my mind linked cereal to biological disorders. So when I'm in Honduras, I'll be in a different culture, but I will have also brought my Chinese Canadian perspective with me. That's not a bad thing. I just need to remember that I do have a certain worldview with me and it'll be interesting to see how that shows up in the way I interpret my experiences there.

2) So I tried to analyze my cereal from a less nerdy view, and I came to my next conclusion: 'stereotyping.' Why did I single this one cheerio out? Because it was different from the rest. Is that fair? Is it not still a cheerio with the same delicious fusion of whole grain oat and hint of honey? Yet, because it LOOKS different we conclude that there is something wrong. You know, it's really narrow to just study the cereal as cereal. There's the higher level: General Mills, which made it into what it is. haha I'm going to stop now or I might start ranting about structural violence ingrained in cereal (pun intended).

3) Then I realized that should just be happy that I had breakfast in the first place. I chose Honey Nut Cheerios from a variety of different cereals in the cupboard in the morning. And I had a nice glass of 2% milk with it - pasteurized. I have the opportunity of getting adequate fibre and iron and zinc and B12 to the point that sometimes overnutrition is more common here. The more I thought the more blessed I felt :)

4) And then my natural instincts took over my brain and I consumed the cereal. Yes, even the sickle shaped one.

pictures

Here are just a couple of pictures of the Honduras and the medical clinic. These were taken by a friend who was in the Intercordia program last year.

one four five one

I just wanted to thank everyone who has helped to donate toward my trip. So far, I've received a total of $1451!! So only about 1000 more to reach my fundraising goal. THANK YOU SO MUCH :D

loaves and fishes

We're reading Loaves and Fishes by Dorothy Day in class. With Peter Maurin, she started the Catholic Worker Movement, which emphasized love, community, and voluntary poverty as a means to combat poverty. There were so many great parts of the book, but specifically wanted to share this poem by Peter

A Case for Utopia – Peter Maurin

The world would be better off

if people tried to become better,

and people would become better

if they stopped trying to become better off.

For when everyone tries to become

better off

nobody is better off.

But when everyone tries to become better

everybody is better off.

Everyone would be rich

if nobody tried to become richer,

and nobody would be poor

if everybody tried to be the poorest.

And everybody would be what he ought to be

if everybody tried to be

what he wants the other fellow to be.

I think it's a great elaboration of Jesus' view of love to all people (Luke 6:27-36, Matthew 25:31-40, Mark 12:29-31)

lists

We just had an Intercordia meeting last weekend in preparation for the summer. One of the activities we had to do was to make lists. Here's a couple of examples in no specific order.

what I think I will miss most:
1. friends and family
2. home food
3. predictability of a familiar schedule
4. my own church
5. conveniences like personal computer, cell phone

my biggest fears:
1. getting sick or hurt
2. homesick
3. people not liking me
4. not being able to adjust or adapt
5. not making a difference

I know that part of the experience is to be without those comforts and learning to adjust -- yet it's precisely those things that I fear. What if my stomach just can't handle the food there? What if my host family doesn't like me? I guess it's those things that you have to overcome. It would be pretty pointless if everything was easy and exactly the same as what I have here! It's scary yes, but I am still incredibly incredibly excited for my trip.

poor teddy

So I think everyone agrees that today was an altogether slushy mushy gloomy day. I came home with my socks and boots soaked thoroughly through from all those failed attempts to leap over those 2 feet wide puddles at street intersections. (You know... those puddles by the curb that cars love to drive through just to make pedestrians miserable)
But I saw one that was in an even worse situation than me. I was walking by OCAD toward Chinatown, and as I crossed the street, I saw a little teddy bear in the slush. A poor white teddy bear with red and green decorations in the path of all the traffic - obviously feeling the post-Christmas blues.
I wanted to pick it up and clean it off, but walked on because it was cold and cars were waiting for me to cross in order for them to turn. Isn't it sad how things like that are left there? Sometimes buying a new one would be easier than going back to search for where you dropped it and then having to wash it and clean it and maybe try to unflatten it.
I don't like it but I still am an active member of the materialistic and disposable culture. Seems futile to go against it sometimes. Maybe I'll go see if the teddy bear is still there tomorrow...

$50

It's really exciting when I see "A donation has been made through your CanadaHelps GivingPage" in my email. The other day my internet was going on and off and I received one of these messages. So I tried to sign on to my giving page to see who it was. Now, it was taking forever to load (when my internet is messed up, it's REALLY messed up.) But I kept trying and trying - reloading, opening a new browser, unplugging and replugging my router, etc...
I think what would have frustrated me most is an anonymous donor. I won't know who to thank. And I would always be wondering, is it a modest friend? someone that I don't get along with but silently extending a kind gesture? a mysterious benefactor? a secret admirer?
After waiting an hour or so, I was able to get in and see who it was. Thank you so much! And I also want to thank everyone else who has been generous in donating :)